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amare qualis - birds of paradise on a capitalist planet

by qualia-c

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1.
demons 04:19
you were right there glancing at me your eyes gave you away in the end you scared me to death obsessed by your demons I gave you no space strategic demons held my heart with iron clads immobile I suffocated lovingly I couldn't breathe you call it projection I call it love at first sight it works until it doesn't obsessed by your demons I gave you no space obsessed by your demons I gave you no space I like red but not like that obsessed by your demons I gave myself no space I love you more than myself that's the problem at hand I am working on it to get to know me is a longterm project I thought you liked those why did you give up that dream of us obsessed by you demons I gave myself no space obsessed by your demons I gave you no space obsessed by you demons I gave myself no space obsessed by your demons I gave you no space obsessed by you demons I gave myself no space
2.
some days 03:36
scar tissue at heart mend me bend me STOP! mend me bend me STOP! scar tissue at heart some days some days you better get up some days you better just shut up some days you better just step up scar tissue at heart some days you better just fuck up scar tissue at heart some doors you better keep shut scar tissue at heart some days some days
3.
your name 05:18
you know - I love clouds appear dissipate bulge frazzled edges your name your name your name volatile accumulations of water a small summer cloud weighs 25 tons 5 adult elephants your name your name your name steels [the weight of my heart] the sky steels the sky your name your name your name steels the sky the sky your name your name your name steels the sky you know - I love clouds but now - I look at them and every single one of them makes me think the sky what I said what I didn’t say every single one of them makes me wonder what would had happened if I if I if I would not had been scared of my heart your name steels the sky you know - I love clouds your name your name your name steels the sky
4.
you’re the three soul man you’re the three soul man your anger is not your anchor your anger is not your anchor if you dar if you care go to the cosmic womb you’re the three soul man you’re the three soul man the invisible delinquent takes what is not his what is your energy signature stick to it your freedom ends where mine begins you’re the three soul man you’re the three soul man the white silent lamb senses its innocence its woolen fibers - dirty and wet from an ancient ocean of tears love is there for you never forget! you’re the three soul man you’re the three soul man
5.
m[use] 03:32
I am I am I am no no muse I am I am I am no no muse I am I am I am no muse to abuse I am I am I am no muse to abuse I am I am I am no muse to use I am I am I am no muse to use to abuse walking in your shoes I am I am I am no muse to use I am I am I am no muse to use walking in your shoes I am I am I am no muse to use that will loose I am I am I am no muse that will loose to confuse I refuse to be a muse be a muse for your use for your use I refuse to be a muse be a muse I refuse
6.
VOID ID 05:25
space and time collapse layer after layer life after life 1000 years ago further further how many more years of crying I can’t go back now
7.
Big Hearts 05:02
love at first sight the crown of love so I thought but noooo I have a choice love at first sight we fall in love attracted by unresolved conflicts of the past Big Hearts are for Fools OH Big Hearts are for Fools Big Hearts are for Fools it was a channel of white light from one heart to the other I thought how beautiful tantalized by its atomic fission but in the end I was left in the dark hopes shattered on the cliffs of our actions sucked into the abyss of night no boundaries in sight love at first sight the gate the key the lock the map spirit agenda hidden behind the next bend love at first sight iridescent heart pushing for truth beating in the rhythm of your heart Big Hearts are for Fools OH Big Hearts are for Fools Big Hearts are for Fools it can be full of sharing light darker than before time and sight it can be heaven it can be hell there is no god only a dog who is greedy for “spiders in the twilight"* Big Hearts are for Fools OH Big Hearts are for Fools Big Hearts are for Fools Big Hearts are for Fools OH Big Hearts are for Fools Big Hearts are for Fools love at first sight mountain hues green grass somewhere else yearning blue waiting pink sitting with ranging red Big Hearts are for Fools OH Big Hearts are for Fools Do you hear me? Big Hearts are for Fools
8.
I ate fate and puked I guess I didn’t learn my lesson the last time you suck me dry I nearly died no Qi left it’s all going down the drain my heart channel to you you suck me dry how do I shut this door you turned me into this energy source unknowingly I guess you suck me dry We are feral as fuck! and you know it … you ripped my heart open and left me to bleed but who is to blame other than me I hope I know you kind by now energy vampires living black hole entities dark energies attached Stay the FUCK away from me! Keep your bite to yourself! I ate fate and puked there is no god only energy remembering what my consciousness has not yet discovered there is only energy stored in different densities in my cells resurfacing attracting spewing self destructing you suck me dry We are feral as fuck! and you know it … I don’t believe in psychology special population bipolar ADD addicted co-dependent aggressive manic depressive suicidal and the lot I don’t believe in psychology it is symptomatic to the soul restrained from taking action our souls within our bodies stricken by inherited stress and trauma not only from this life time emotional stagnation explosion break down you cal it whatever I call it rebirth of old DNA accept it souls just never die it was darker than dark it was darker than dark it was darker than dark luckily the exorcist didn’t die and still I love you foolish I know but the only way to defeat the dark I consumed your mystery trying to understand you intruding your mind I am sorry! you weren’t talking … you - you are consuming my heart for your creativity and plain survival Are we fucking even by now? Or did I kill you in my past life? Like you the same with me, myself and I I need to love my darkest dark I need to love my darkest dark I need to love my darkest dark Self-Love is more important than love these days Believe me! We are feral as fuck! and you know it … highly sensitive people in ‘unsuiting' environments no education system to hone our skills hunters in uncapped capitalism gatherers in uncapped capitalism what can I say the world we live in We are feral as fuck! if you are not on the bottom of the food chain getting killed by hunger, repression or war if you are privileged - somehow like myself we are stuffing our black holes with work consumer goods - food included sugar bombs chocolate over eating or starving ourselves to death buying stuff to up our self worth keeping the profit rolling you suck me dry but I guess this is just an example of the invisible cogs of patriarchy the well of female energy sucked dry through open heart connections empathy that’s a spectrum statement wake up wake up What are you using your energy for? … for the highest good of all Beings! … for the love of the light! … for eternity! STOP sucking me dry!
9.
Hey - inside of me! Whatever will be - will be Whatever will be - inside of me … will be me but me! Hey - inside of me! Whatever will be - will be Whatever will be - inside of me … will be me but me!
10.
I just wanted to be, too. I just wanted to be, too. I just wanted. I just wanted. I just wanted to be special, too. I just wanted to be special, too. I just wanted. I just wanted. I just wanted to be special to you. I just wanted I just wanted I just want I just want I just want to BE! - I just wanted to be, too. I just wanted to be, too. I just wanted. I just wanted. I just wanted to be special, too. I just wanted to be special, too. I just wanted. I just wanted. I just wanted to be special to you. I just wanted I just wanted I just want I just want I just want to BE!
11.
Paint the life that you want to live! Paint the love that you like to live! Paint the life that you want to live! Paint the love that you like to give! squirrel life when are you going to happen oh - squirrel life when are you going to happen first we need to love ourselves first we need to love the Other first we need to heal life heal life heal everything around - Paint the life that you like to live! Paint the love that you like to live! squirrel love when are you going to happen oh - squirrel love when are you going to happen first I need to love myself first I need to heal myself first I need to forgive myself forgive myself forgive everybody involved

about

Outlandish? - Every song in this album is different, has odd instrument combinations and plays with underlying psychosonic vibrations. Various music genres are used as expressive medium in an experimental narrative: Electronic, cinematic landscapes are interspersed by archaic and anarchic rhythms, alternative riffs and folklore snippets, spoken word, classical variations, wanna be Jazz, Industrial and Noise. Breath, melodies and voice are experimental articulations of emotions and thoughts that have nowhere else to go. 

‘amore qualis - birds of paradise on a capitalist planet’ is pure inner sensing in the aftermath of a love story gone awry. Today’s heartbreak is an old story with a new narrative: the one of ghosts. What if we take ‘ghosting’ literally. Is it our own ghosts characterized by unresolved inherited stress and trauma - the lingering presence of the past that make lasting, healthy connections hard to find? This album is a journey inwards, a journey on a personal path to meet one’s shadow side and let it speak, scream, mourn and find hope. 

'amore qualis - birds of paradise on a capitalist planet' was produced 2018/2019 and is qualia-c's debut album.

credits

released December 20, 2020

all songs digitally composed and performed by qualia-c alias
Tanja London
mixed by Paul Roessler / Kitten Robot Studios, Los Angeles
__________________

voice recordings of 'Big Hearts', 'I just want to BE' and 'squirrel love' by Paul Roessler / Kitten Robot Studios, Los Angeles
original melody of "Hey - Inside of Me! from 'Que Sera Sera',
by Jay Livingston and Ray Evans, copyright Jay Livingston Music Inc. and St Angelo Music, originally performed by Doris Day
IDBLM license 184274

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qualia-c Oakland, California

qualia-c alias Tanja London is a German performing, haptic and visual artist as well as somatic educator living in West Oakland, CA.

www.qualia-c.com www.tanjalondon.com

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